I've been away from my blog for almost six weeks. Life happened and it took my focus away. I had all the pretty colored balls in the air, juggling them perfectly, not dropping a single one, then, my child got very sick. As she recovered from pneumonia, I got sick. Very sick. I was exhausted and my immune system must have been taking a beating for awhile. I don't normally get sick and that's something I have prided myself in for a long time. But I got sick, and I spent time resisting being sick until I couldn't muster the strength to ignore what was happening to me. But as I finally gave in to the thought that I might actually have to slow down a bit and take the time to get well, it dawned on me what a blessing it all was! It was time for me to be sick. Everything in it's season, a time for everything under the sun. So, I told myself as I lay on my bed unable to move...."Cindy, just give in to it, get down to the business of being sick and do it right". So I had to miss work for a whole week. I had to ignore the fact that I had patients waiting on me. I had to give up the fear that if I missed work for a week, what would that do to my income for the month? I had to fully realize that a bright light was being cast on me so I could see that I had run myself into the ground trying to be all things to all people. This was sobering, even through a fever I could see that everything I write about, live (most of the time) and tell others was something I had ignored. Take care of yourself. Slow down. Just be. Let it go. Take your vitamins. Drink your tea. Do your yoga. Pray. Meditate. Go within. Ha! The voices were laughing at me now. The Universe will get your attention one way or another.
Time to be sick
I've been there before. I've resisted and struggled against the need to listen to my body. Going through my divorce, back in the early days of it all, I got really sick. Mind, body, spirit. I went through a death of sorts.....a long and languishing one, too. I thought I had learned back then the value of giving into the moment, giving into what life was presenting to me at the time. Well, yes and no.....I overcame that whole period of my life with flying colors, so I guess it seemed I now needed a refresher course! I had slowly ignored the urgings to dial it back a bit, take more time for myself, eat well, get enough sleep, give more of my life over to a Benevolent Power that upholds me. I had forgotten that it's humble to say....."I need help", "I can't do all of this by myself anymore", "I am not a Superwoman". I've heard it said that when life is going well, we forget to spend a little time on our knees. I have seen proof positive that in surrendering my life to a Higher Power, one that knows better then I do what needs to be done and how to do it, everything just flows beautifully. But then my mistake was to get up off my knees and carry on like it was all a piece of cake. I'd get myself into a jam, or a problem would arise, and back I'd go to the figurative position of bowing to a power that could help me. On my knees, off my knees, on my knees, off my knees. When I was sick, I heard something say to me, "Cindy, why don't you just stay on your knees"? Okay, it was getting through my thick feverish brain that maybe I felt a little too triumphant and powerful and on top of it all for my own good. After that realization I then fell into a deep sleep, a healing sleep. After a visit to the doctor and some necessary anti-biotics (very thankful for all the good meds out there....grateful and humbled at their power and place in out lives) I started to feel very thankful for the time off from work, for the sweet care and concern I received once I actually let people know how sick I was, and for the comfort and refuge I had in my home. I had spent the last few months rushing around too much, a little too arrogant that I had it all under control, that I could do anything. The woman cracked, her armor failed, and down she went.....but it's a good place to find yourself from time to time.
So, I'm back. Still needing more sleep then usual, still feeling the need to slow down, but I'm listening this time. I am taking thr time to fully recover. It took a lot out of me and I'm putting the time and attention back into me that I deserve. So therein lies the lesson and the point to this blog post: Listen to your life. It's talking to you all the time. There is a voice that guides us and tells us what we need to do. And remember, we are never too big and powerful to be humbled and laid low. Are you pushing that voice down right now that's saying to you....."Take some time for yourself"? "Ask for help"? "Get some sleep"? Pay attention to it. It's your compass. It's your lifeline. It loves you!
Be well, live carefully, and please, ask when you need help.
Until next time....blessings upon your heart.