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Showing posts from October, 2010

Regrouping

The direction I'd like to go now is this: Regrouping your sanity, rediscovering joy and rebuilding your life. Please know, I am in no way suggesting you shouldn't still be hurting, or seeking answers, or doing whatever it is you need to do for yourself. What I am suggesting is that you begin to focus on your precious heart, that soft place that has undergone a major and life changing event. Focus on where you want to see yourself in a year. Is it back with your spouse? If it's meant to be and it works out that way, then my hope for you is it will be a return to a new and better life. But more times then not, it means a new life on your own...and if there are children, then rejoice! You will not be alone. Your role may be altered to accommodate a new schedule, and there may be grief as you adjust to being without your children when they are with your ex, but your children are your children, and they will be a blessing to you....and you to them. Remember, they are …

The Ruins....

There is a Melissa Etheridge song that goes..."If I am to heal, then I must first learn to feel the ruins....I will crawl through my past over stones, blood and glass, in the ruins"....really? Do I need to do that? Well, yes...and no. I don't believe in wallowing, not in pain, anger, cynicism, or mud. Wallowing keeps you stuck, taking responsibility moves you forward. A good cry or two, or several if that's what it takes, is definitely therapeutic...hell, I even had to scream my lungs out in my car until I was hoarse for a week....and I did that twice over the last eight months. But wallowing, no. Understanding the breakdown of your marriage is ideal of course, if you don't want to repeat those things in the next relationship you will have, but some things I discovered I will never understand. Does that mean I am to stay stuck? Am I to forever analyze and process all that went down? For me, the answer was and still is a resounding "NO". In the…

Identity Crisis

No two ways about it....my very identity was crushed. My carefully guarded, perfectly manicured identity completely fell apart with the slam of a door. Gone in sixty seconds flat, never to return. The facade was finally blown and there I stood, couldn't have been more naked or vulnerable had I tried. I look back now and see the source of the pain and devastation came from the fact that I just didn't know who the hell I was anymore. To become so stagnant in a marriage that you forget you are a living, breathing, passionate woman (or man) is a crime against oneself. When you ignore your inner pleadings....you know, the little whispers that begin politely enough, but when neglected turn into full force gale winds, ....something will occur to get your attention. There really is something within us that knows what we need. Call it what you will based on your own belief system, but quite simply, for me, it was The She. The One who knows. She waited patiently for me through …

Where do I go from here?

That was my question for months. My equilibrium was severely whacked and I was in a free fall that seemed to rip away any sense of control over my life. Where was I headed? Everything outside of me hurt, everything. Places, people, my home, my own image staring back at me in the bathroom mirror, especially that.....it said "Loser"! With so much outward pain I had no where else to run but inside my own life. I had always closed up when things hurt me before, it was my natural defense mechanism learned long ago from parents who were completely emotionally bankrupt. And I learned well indeed, and I held onto it as part of my identity. But this time when I went inside myself it was to seek asylum, and then once in my own head I wanted back out again. So, I was stuck with me, no way around it. I didn't like myself very much. I had become the woman I had scoffed at for years. The stay-at-home mom, the one who gives up her life, her vision. her ideas, all for the g…

This I know....

You will not hurt forever. The pain will stop. Time is a gentleman, and what you need is tender loving time. Even though you may not feel like it, now is the time to nurture, nurture, nurture. Take every care, be gentle, eat something delicious....especially when you don't want to....especially when you think you can't possibly eat....please eat. Your world has been turned upside down, inside out, and you've had the ever lovin' crap stomped out of you. Your body hurts in ways you can't even explain. Every fiber of your being is screaming. I know...

My salvation came when I reached out to others. This was not easy for me. Not easy at all. Whatever your personal faith, now is the time to grab onto it like a lifesaver out in the middle of the ocean. Ask for the Grace to make it through the day. Hour by hour, moment by moment, if necessary. It definitely was necessary for me to ask for help on a daily and hourly basis....and I continue to ask.

What I would …

And so it begins...

Greetings to the struggling heart....

I've been there, I am still there is some ways (do we ever stop feeling, hurting or wondering why?), but I know there is a bright light at the end of this tunnel called divorce. I've seen it, I've been bathed in it and have followed it through to the other side. It is possible, dear reader, to come out better then you've ever been....more whole, more YOU! And I'm talking about the real you, not the one who has been buried in an unhappy marriage. Not the one who has forgotten his or her passion for life. Enough of that. Throw off the shackles....begin again. The future is wide open to you.....

This is my first post on my new blog. May you visit often, may you come away with something to lighten your day. Let this be a community of readers who can gather support...as well as hope and joy. I am with you all in spirit. We can walk this path together if you like.

Until tomorrow....blessings upon your heart.

Cindy