What scares you? Are there people, places, things that keep you from sleeping soundly? It's the things that can keep me awake. The intangibles. Can't quite name them, yet they're there. Much comes under the umbrella of fear, and in my opinion there are only two emotions that seem to govern everything in this life, LOVE and FEAR.....and I love meeting fear at the door. I don't even wait for it to ring my doorbell, I usually smell it before it sets foot on my porch! It's the unease that creeps into your mind and says, "Hello, I'm here to mess with you".
My good friend understands this visitor, I do too....all too well, or else I couldn't write about it. She can expect a knock at her door just when everything seems to be going right in her life. When we get a chance to talk, we usually end up on this topic. I asked her what she thought was going to go wrong, to which she replied.....everything! I asked her if she thought she didn't deserve to be content, prosperous, in love, fulfilled, etc. She told me she had the sneaking suspicion that if she relaxed, everything would fall apart. She's also the kind of person who can't sleep on a plane. Why? Because she has to hold the plane up, of course! So much pressure to hold it all together! Somewhere in our pasts we learned to not expect much, that thinking big would only lead to a bigger fall. I think our parents tried to protect us from the ebb and flow of life, to keep us from falling too far, or too hard. Doesn't work that way. I happen to love my skinned up knees, my little scars, my stubbed toes, they tell me I've been there....and came back.
Pema Chodron tells us to start where we are. Fearful thinking in the middle of the night is a good place. In the quiet of your room you can confront the illusionary demons. Tapping into the Universe's power and potential can be frightening. Are we enough? Can we handle it? Do I have what it takes? Yes, yes, and yes again. Self-sabotage is another biggie. That's the visitor fear sends out to really screw you up, the days when fear is off scaring the wits out of someone else, along comes self-sabotage. The little scamp. You know those days when all of a sudden you feel like picking a fight with someone? Usually someone close to you? You know how you have worked for something for so long, and when it's almost here you get sick, or in a wreck, or become inexplicably tired? We all know this....come on. Something somewhere inside says, "Who do you think you are"?
There is a speech by Nelson Mandela, and it bears repeating here. This is truth in all it's glory:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Well, I need to end this post right here, because that says it all....beautifully.
I will close with this....when that nagging self-doubt creeps into your moments of quiet, your moments of peace, remember these words. Don't play small! Meet fear at the door before it has a chance to knock, and send it packing. You're bigger then anything that little scamp can dish out. Now act like it....and relax.
Until next time....blessings upon your heart.