I've gotten dubious looks when I've said I had a "good divorce"....and yes, ultimately, it has been good on so many levels. My friend the other day who I'd not spoken to for a while gingerly asked me how I was doing. My response kind of shocked her. "What do you mean you had a good divorce? Side note: and she won't mind my saying this, her divorce was from hell. Three years and $30,000.00 down the tube just for her to come out with a permanent crease between her eyes and a broken spirit. As we talked I told her all the bad parts over that last nine months that I had experienced, but the point was not to dwell, it was to say that without the bad you cannot know the good. Without the dark you cannot know light. Trite, I know, but it's the simple truth. I chose to make my divorce good, and since the alternative was hell on earth, I just didn't have that kind of stamina or endurance...nor the will, to come out looking older and angerier for the rest of my life. I fully accepted the demise of my marriage, and then I let it go. I told her that perhaps divorce could be a catylist for the change that would ultimately lead her to a better life. She and I continue in an ongoing conversation about this now, and I'm glad she is gaining some new insight. So much bad karma was burnt over the last nine months in my life. I mean stale, stagnant, rancid stuff. I was in a dark rut that was going to completely destroy me if something had not happened to kick me upside the head. For me divorce was the perfect answer, and at risk of sounding rather flippant or cavalier, I would say it can be for you too.
I subscribe to the belief that the people who have been in our lives were there for a reason. There are no random acts. Yeah, some are dumb mistakes we make when we're vulnerable, some are downright painful, ugly, simply exasperating or just plain poisonous, but it all works out so beautifully. The people we encounter are our teachers. "When the student is ready the Teacher will appear". We either learn through pain or through wisdom, but by God, we learn. Have you ever ended a relationship all the clearer about what it is you don't want?....then it was for your higher good, that relationship was to show you what you don't need, the players in that scene were there to push you to the next level. The lessons are all there. It's up to us whether we want to see the point to it all or just bitch and moan about how our life seems to be a magnet for bad luck/relationships. My other belief is the very thing we feel is tragic or devastating can be the very thing that saved us from a real tragedy. Things just some how work out, we may not see it for a few years, but when we can look back with a clearer eye and a new perspective we can see it all came out for the best. Nothing can teach you better then that which has cut you to the core or split you wide open. If this has happened to you then you are being readied for a major shift, a change that has the potential to bless you. There is a rhyme and reason to our lives....and it's all good.
Stay open to the possibility that maybe this upheaval you are in the midst of can lead you to your best self. Shun the bitterness that can easily swallow you up. Each day the question could be, "What can I learn from this today"? Then listen....and learn.
Until next time...blessings upon your heart