Where does love go when a marriage ends? It disintegrates little-by-little I would venture, especially if it was a long slow death....like mine, like many, until it takes it's last breath and utters one last whimper, or one big SLAM of the door. I can still hear the reverberation from that day, all I have to do is close my eyes...but it's fading now. Something as real and as permanent as Love (with a capital L) doesn't really go away....I am content to think it just changes form. The investment in a marriage that goes south can leave you feeling like you wasted years of your life just to end up out of love, out of luck, broken, angry, and hating the ever lovin' ground your ex walks on. I struggled with this for many months, the unending questions, the guilty feeling that I had somehow squandered my life away......the anger at my child's father.
Let the anger go....please, and I'll tell you why:
If there are children involved, you need to love the father of your children more then the husband you've come to dislike (hate?). I was lucky, I didn't live with a philanderer. My ex never cheated on me once, I never doubted that...I would have been able to feel it if he had. But what went down was enough for me to curse every hair on his head. The tangent I let loose one day upon him was alarming....to him, to me....and to my little girl who heard me. My heart broke into a million pieces that day, not for my own reasons, but for that little face that saw me screaming at her daddy. I'll never forget it the longest day I live. Never.
Elizabeth Edwards died today. A more graceful and eloquent woman would be difficult to find. In an interview with her a while back, after her husband's terrible, terrible infidelity, she quietly stated that while she may not be able to love her husband anymore, she could still love him as her children's father. What Grace it took to say that. What a powerful truth it is too. Love changed form for Elizabeth Edwards, but it was still Love....again, with a capital L. That kind of love knows no human estrangement. It withstands anything, because it is Love....and that is Divine by nature. I learned a lesson from this lady that day, and her quiet strength brought me up short. Goddesses do that, you know. They stop you dead in your tracks.
Your marriage may be over, but the love that was once shared is still there, in a different form. If there were no children, then know this....your spouse loved you once, and they still love you. Deep in their conflicted heart, they still have love. Letting go of a marriage may be the right thing to do......but don't fret over having "wasted" your life just to end up divorced. Let love evolve now, let it shape shift, let it be what it needs to be. Don't own it, don't limit it, and don't curse it. And for everyone who may want to tell me to shut up about love, because after all, I don't know your personal story, I don't know what terrible thing it was they did to you....I would say this: letting love go so it can find it's own way will bless you beyond belief. It will free you up so you may embrace a new love, an evolved love. It's an endless cycle, but love knows what it needs and it doesn't leave us no matter what we may think. Let it fly.
Rest in peace dear Elizabeth, I would have liked to have had tea with you.
And yes reader, you and I are loved......and that is with a capital L.
Until next time....blessings upon your heart